June 29th, 2012 
Emily 
Our first week in Nairobi, I knew one person: my husband. Needless to say, I felt lonely and un-tethered. Now, we’ve been here three weeks and our social life is blossoming.
What I’ve discovered is that there are plenty of expats who want to travel, explore, or just hang out. We met a lovely bunch of ladies through a Facebook group and went with them to Mt. Longonot. Since then, I’ve met up with one of them for lunch, and the group is already organizing another hiking trip.
I also signed up for a kiswahili class, and have enjoyed hanging out with my classmates. We go out to lunch every day after class (for a real Kenyan lunch– at 50-70 cents a plate, you can’t beat it). Sometimes we wander to a nearby mall, market or coffee shop to hang out or study together.
My husband also has plenty of coworkers who are in Nairobi for temporary assignments, and they are keen to see as much of the country as possible before returning to the U.S. We go out to dinner together or take weekend getaways in order to share costs and socialize.
Cheers! (at Aberdares National Park)
The only drawback to all these friends is that they are temporary friends.* We are all in Nairobi right now, but most of us will leave here in the next few months. After that, we will never see each other again.
My husband keeps me reminding me that I’m going to have to get used to this. We move a lot and it’s impossible to keep up with everyone we’ve met along the way. It’s hard enough to keep up with our long-term friends, especially because we see them rarely.
While I’m grateful that I’m meeting fun people here, I still feel lonely from time to time. I don’t (and won’t ever) have any close friends nearby.
In the end, it’s a question of trade-offs. Do we stay in one place for many years and build those deep relationships, or do we live a life on the move and do our best to keep up with friends we meet along the way? So far, we’ve chosen the latter.
Do you have any advice for keeping up with friends in faraway places?
*While not a drawback per se, another point I must make is that none of these friends are Kenyan. More on that later.
Posted in 
Tags: 
Friends. I’ve moved from place to place all my life. In different places at different times, I’ve had close friends. It seems however that they were for that time and place only. In the past few years as I’ve gotten involved with social media, I’ve located a few of those close friends from the past. People move on with life, though, and the friendships that were once so close cannot be rekindled. We’ve lived on Long Island, NY, for a little over two years and I can honestly say I have not one friend here. I find myself hoping to leave the US again soon because it’s easier to make friends with expats!
Jeez, Bobbie, way to dash my hopes that it gets better! I’ve really enjoyed meeting new writing friends through social media, but obviously they aren’t best friends. I feel like I have a lot “time and place” friends and acquaintances, but no one that I am close enough with to call in the middle of the night. I think it puts more pressure on our marriage too– we have to be each other’s best friend and spouse.
Emily, My heart goes out to you; that’s a tough situation. My husband and I grew up as military brats, so we wanted to settle someplace we could call “home”. So we’ve been living in a small town for 10 years; it has it’s pros and cons. For example, if I have an issue/conflict with someone, I can’t just blow them off, because I see them all the time. Good for character building, but still…
I miss the friends we made in the years after college (we moved several times for my husband’s training). Social media helps but does not replace sharing a meal, a laugh late at night, or a hug during a crisis. I’ve learned to accept the limitations of some friendships, to appreciate how they have enriched my life, and to remember them fondly. And I try hard to nurture the few deep, lasting friendships, especially my marriage.
It’s wonderful and sometimes hard to have your husband as your best friend! You need someone to vent to when he does those “guy things”!
Thinking of you.
You have such a great perspective on friendship, thanks for sharing. I lived in the same town where I was born until I left for college (and my dad still lives there), so I had friends growing up that I had known “forever”. Several of them are still my closest friends and I’m always sad that we don’t live closer.
Emily, I’m so happy to have found your blog. I relate so much to this post and the struggles with loneliness and friendship. My husband and I have managed to move to 7 cities (2 countries) in the past 10 years, and while I’ve learned to cope with change really well, there’s just no easy fix for the friendship dilemma. It feels like we always move right after I’ve made one or two close friends, and it’s hard to get used to leaving people all the time (though I should be an expert by now). I’m so grateful for other expats and the support they’ve offered me, whether it be virtual or in-person, but there’s just nothing like having an old friend around to lean on when you really need someone!
It’s so true– there’s no easy fix. Just when I think I’m feeling better about not having close friends, something sneaks up on me and I feel so lonely! My birthday was on Tuesday, and I was feeling the lack-of-friends thing pretty acutely.
It’s also hard when I see old friends from home. A friend of mine was in Kenya to do research for grad school and she stayed with us over the weekend. We had an awesome time and I was really depressed after she left. I try to stay connected with lots of people via social media, and it helps, but it’s just not the same.
First thing, Happy Birthday! I hope it was great in spite of homesickness/loneliness/weirdness of living abroad!
And I know exactly the feeling about seeing old friends. We were back in California for a few days after being away for 18 months and I cried like a total basket case for the first day. Then I cried again when we left. And I’m not exactly a crier. It just gave me the weirdest sense of loss. I think it’s even weirder because the person who is away feels super disconnected because we are away from everyone, while the person at home has just lost one friend, but can go about their regular lives without thinking much about it. Anyway, it’s nice to vent with someone who has had a similar experience.
It is nice to vent to someone who understands, so thanks again for leaving comments! It really does make me feel better!
I often feel jealous of my friends who have stayed in one location for so many years. They have the kind of close relationship with friends there that I worry I won’t ever have again. I also think the lack of close friends is a big reason why I’m a trailing spouse. We know other couples who live apart for a few months or even a few years and see each other once or twice a month on weekends. But because we have moved so frequently, neither of us have a strong support network in the places where we would be. It would make it that much harder to live apart.