September 26th, 2012 
Emily 
I’m a cynical traveler.
Part of this rests in my own personality: I’m a cynical person. Part of this rests in my travel history: after spending more than 2 years living in foreign countries, I’ve been taken advantage of enough times to be constantly skeptical and on guard.
I still get caught out- like that time two men tried to rob me while I was looking for the change they supposedly dropped on the bus. But normally, I’m a firm believer in the power of a polite “No”. “No, I will not buy you an exercise book.” “No, I will not promote you (the Kenyan euphemism for ‘buy the crap I’m selling at exorbitant prices’).” “No, I will not give you the shirt I am currently wearing.”
My husband, on the other hand, is a kind and generous traveler.
When we were in Ethiopia together, he was so moved by a little boy’s story of coming to town from the countryside to go to school that he bought the boy a school book. Of course, my husband suspected that the exact same book was resold several times a day to tourists who fall for the ploy. He didn’t mind though, he was happy to give the kid some money.
As part of his kind and generous nature, my husband is also quick to give his contact information to people. I, on the other hand, won’t even answer my Kenyan cell phone if a call is coming in from a mystery number, since I am convinced it’s just someone calling to rip me off. (I know, I’m paranoid. But to be fair, I have gotten multiple text messages from people trying to get money from me.)
Sharing your contact information is nice. I think it shows a level of respect and trust. Unfortunately, it also opens up your email address to entire villages.
Here’s a sample email, which my husband received last night:
Hello my dearest
I would like to express my warmest greeting by writing and asking you how are you doing with your families and friends too? I am extremely fine and doing pretty well thanks to almighty of God. Well, did you remember me in the holy land place of lalibela? I am the boy whom I meet you around your hotel when you were been here. Even you have bought a book for one boy, who is in the same classmate with my sister, and I have a good visiting on the lalibela artisan’s office and you have a gave me a small coin which I used to bought a exercise book because after a week we will start a education, I don’t have a word to express your humanitarian thinking for me and for my education.
Have you arrived in your country safely? Did you gate your families in a spectacular health?
How was the trip of Ethiopia especially in the remarkable place lalibela?
You are always in my thinking and daily prayer!
I wish you all the best.
Yours sincerely miki
On the one hand, it’s a very sweet letter. Who doesn’t want to be called “my dearest” (albeit by a 10-year-old boy) and be praised for their “humanitarian thinking”. On the other hand, my husband gets several of these emails each day.
Because of my experiences and my personality, I don’t always connect with people when I travel. I’m introverted, skeptical, and say no a lot, and people leave me alone. I miss out on interpersonal connections, but I feel safer (this doesn’t mean that I am actually safer, though).
My husband is much more outgoing and generous, but it means that he is more frequently hassled. (Once you buy a book for one school boy, everybody wants your money. We had small crowds waiting outside of our hotel.)
Right now, I’m still working on relaxing my introverted, cynical self. I’m grateful that I can witness my husband’s generous example, and realize that his generosity does not put him into dangerous situations. He might get a few odd emails, and we might have to put up with a crowd of children who want our tourist dollars, but it’s not a big deal.
What about you? What’s your travel style?
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I think I’m a mix of both, but lean towards the cynical. I wonder if it has something to do with being a woman? I tend to be more assertive and testy with unknown men when we travel, as I suspect they see me as an easier mark than my husband. Of course, children likely see me that way too, but while they might pick my pocket, I’m not as likely to end up injured or groped (or any number of travel nightmares that might occur) by a 9 year old child. I think men aren’t socialized to feel threatened as easily so they might be more open to interaction. On the other hand, when we were in Jordan I felt totally protected by the men there, and never once like I was under any kind of threat, even when we were being hustled by taxi drivers or guides. In fact one of them chased my husband down for me when he saw us getting separated in a busy market. It was paternalism working in my favor, which was an interesting experience. Anyway, you’ve raised an interesting question here!
I think you’re right- gender matters a lot. I think this might be compounded by the fact that in many countries, women are treated more poorly than they are in the U.S.
Your experience in Jordan is really interesting. It gives us a lot to think about–thanks for sharing your story.
Okay, I’ll be honest, since you have been. I lean to the suspicious and take everything with a few grains of salt. It must be my law enforcement background, but I’m not the ah, oh type of person. I’ve been blessed to travel a lot and I think this keeps me more safe. A big however: like you I usually end up traveling with a friend who is on the open/generous side. I think we balance each other out.
Yeah, I’m sure your law enforcement background makes a difference. I used to work at a homeless shelter, and then taught middle school. Those kind of jobs really turn you in to a no-nonsense kind of person.
I guess it’s good that we have travel partners who are more open to help balance us out!
I also think women are more prone to having our guard up. Maybe it’s some female instinct thing. That’s good that your husband is so outgoing and generous though because then you two can even each other out while traveling so you get more interpersonal experiences and he less likely to get ripped off – hopefully.
This is a great post…I often run into this situation when my hubby and I travel, although he’s not AS generous as yours, it sounds like. But yes I am the more cynical one…
Yeah, when I found out my husband had given out his email address, I was all “WHAT!”. After getting so many comments from women, I’m starting to think that travel styles might have a lot to do with gender. Women tend to be more cautious and closed-off, perhaps due to our socialization.
I loved that letter your husband received. I have a number of them on paper, not email.
As a serial expat who’s lived in third world countries for decades I know it is difficult not to become cynical about, or indifferent to, the plight of beggars and hawkers and street children. I don’t want to be cynical or hard. I try to put myself in their place. I’ve been had and cheated plenty of times (never seriously) and usually I don’t mind. I try to see the humor in the situation, and be aware of the fact that if I had been born into their life, I’d probably do the same thing.
PS: No, I do not give out my contact info to just anybody!
You’ve got a great attitude, one that I’m trying better to adopt.
And yeah, isn’t that email great! He gets a whole lot of them (like several each day.) My favorite part is that if he doesn’t reply, the kids get all worried and send him disgruntled emails saying “Where are you!?! I am so worried!”