February 29th, 2012 
Emily 
My spouse travels a lot for work. Right now, he’s on his 5th international trip in seven months. For various reasons, we are only able to communicate two or three times during each trip–this includes email and phone calls. The fact that he is gone, and I can’t talk to him, makes me a little crazy. Here’s what crazy looks like:
Days -1/0 – Bickering – We are sad/stressed that he is leaving and handle these emotions by bickering constantly. It’s an awful way to say goodbye, but I can’t seem to break the pattern.
Day 1- Slight Euphoria – I can eat McDonald’s for lunch. And dinner. I can watch Glee as loud as I want. I get all the pillows in the bed. I don’t have to wash the dishes until I feel like it. Plus, there are no dishes to wash because I only eat fast food now.
Day 3- Depression – The fun has worn off. I’m sad and lonely. Even fast food is no longer my friend and I am craving vegetables. But I am too sad and lonely to go to the grocery store. Plus, it’s 5 pm and I am still wearing my pajamas.
Days 4/5 – Settled – I’m getting into a routine. I can do this! I am so energized and motivated that I will probably sew a quilt, write a letter to everyone in my address book, and clean the whole apartment before he gets home.
Day 6 – Panic – I’m not sure I can make it another week on my own. I start making irrational travel plans. Maybe I will visit my parents in Maine. During the week they go to court to finalize their divorce. Or wait, I could go visit my brother in Colorado for the weekend. Even though it’s already the weekend and I have yet to buy a ticket or mention it to him.
Days – 8- 14 - Contentment – I’m in a routine again, except this time I incorporate leaving the apartment, exercising, and seeing other people into the routine. Life feels normal.
Day 15 – Happy Reunion/Bickering – He gets home and after a brief happy reunion we bicker. Or I bicker. He is bewildered that I am not 100 percent happy that he is home. And it’s true, I should be. But his suitcase has exploded in the living room and ruined my feng shui. He has so much dirty laundry that I must immediately start washing a load. He sits down to watch The Sopranos and loses my paused place in Glee. And he brings home paintings made of elephant poop to hang in our apartment. “Why?” I ask. “Because, it’s what Rwanda is known for,” he says. Funny, I think to myself, I always thought Rwanda was known for something a bit more serious than animal poop paintings.
So, how do you deal when your spouse travels? And do you have any wise words to keep me sane?
PS- Military spouses, I realize that you don’t really have a choice, other than to grin and bear it, when your significant other leaves. But my heart goes out to you because I don’t think I would make it six or nine or twelve months without my spouse here. You amaze me.
The Elephant Poop Paintings
They don’t LOOK like they are made of elephant poop, but they SMELL like they are.
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I sleep diagonally in the bed. I also try to fill the fridge before my partner leaves, with healthy stuff, helps me abstain a little from fast food.
Also, maybe make your own poop art while he’s gone, hang it all over the living room, and proclaim “It’s what I’m known for” when he asks.
For what it’s worth, that is beautiful poop art.
The fridge idea is so smart. Maybe if I let myself get the “treats” like the pre-cut up fruit salads, etc. then I would eat it, be healthy, and it would kind of feel special (which is probably why I gravitate towards the fast food- it feels like a special treat).
Emily – You are truly a natural and wonderful writer! I love your humanity and humor! I didn’t know those paintings were made of poop or that they were from Rwanda! Heeh! They are pretty, and I couldn’t smell them when I was visiting.
Wow, I didn’t realize you considered coming out to Colorado. You are always welcome to visit, though some notice would be nice!
Yep, I totally considered it. Don’t worry, I knew it was too crazy to enact.
you are so funny. I love this post and your writing. Also, I had to laugh b/c I somehow adopted “elephant poop” as my go-to phrase when I want to make my kids laugh. Like, if they are being picky eaters, I say, “okay, I’ll go make you some elephant poop instead.” or if they are crying and inconsolable, I ask if they would like me to go get them some elephant poop. it works every time. they think it’s hilarious and ridiculous that I talk about elephant poop. In other words, I need to get some of those paintings for their rooms. They are actually very cool!
So glad the poop paintings are entertaining someone besides me
If I ever get my hands on more, I will surely send some to your sweet kids.
Your dad told me I had to read this, and I have been wanting to do so for weeks. Emily, you are not just an excellent writer that engages the reader and allows the mind to create such visuals, but you are incredibly funny and revealing. I feel as though I know you and Ryan just from all the stories your dad tells me, and especially the deep love that he feels for you both. But, reading this just totally brings you to light for myself, and all that he has said is completely validated. Be so proud of who you are and what you are doing. What a gift and talent you have! I want my Michelle to receive this. She will love it.
Emily, I just saw the link to this on Twitter. As coincidence would have it, my husband is away right now. He’s doing his stint in the Swiss Army, which means he’s in-country but gone Sunday night to Friday night. This particular round he’s in a secure location – I’m not even making that up – so we have no electronic communication. It’s a drag. Mostly I’m just trying to make sure the kids make it to school/kindergarten/hockey practice on time and in more or less clean clothes. Forget about missing my husband, I’m too busy missing the extra pair of hands during the morning and evening routine to have time to miss his actual person. (Though come Thursday, I will…)
I’m looking forward to digging around more on your blog!
I can’t even imagine having kids and having my husband away. My poor children would be eating McDonald’s at every meal and wondering why I never changed out of pajamas.
I hope your week goes quickly (and smoothly)!